Body Spray
by crackberries
Summary: It causes angels to fall out of the sky. Which can be a problem sometimes.


**BODY SPRAY**

**...**

"...Even angels will fall." The commentator on the video finished up, and the three men gawked at the screen. Australia and America were sitting on the couch in front of the T.V, while Prussia was lolling about on the floor.

"Dude." America said, mouth open as the commercial wrapped up. "...Dude."

Canada was there too, but he was sitting on the far side of the couch, head tilted back and blank eyes staring at the ceiling.

"Y'thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" Prussia slurred, having been the only one that had consumed alcohol as well. "'Cus I'm thinkin' a lot of things and I want t'know if yer thinkin' what I'm thinkin'"

"Fuck." Was Australia's only reply. It was also the only thing he had said in the past half hour, the other being "Pass me that shit again."

"Maaaaaatt." America drawled, and got no reply. "Maaaaatt stop zoning out."

"He's too gone..." Prussia grumbled. "Saved all the good mary fer himself. What a bitch."

"Fuck."

"Yenno, I think I know this dude who's like...an angel." Alfred said, and searched his spaced out brain. Who could it possibly be? Maybe it was that guy with really big eyebrows? "Hey, ain't it yer bro that's an angel, dude?"

"Mine?" Prussia rolled onto his back. Then back onto his stomach. "If my bro's an angel, then I'm a...fucking God...makes sense."

* * *

Ludwig knew something was wrong from the moment Gilbert offered to do groceries so that his younger brother wouldn't be overloaded with work. Gilbert would do chores around the house and all, but going out shopping required extra effort on his part.

Nonetheless, he put a slight bit of trust in Gilbert, and woke up late in the morning, a highly unusual occurence for him. Surely enough, there was a pile bags on the grocery table when he came down, and everything was put away in a neat and orderly fashion. Sitting on top of the pile was a bottle of body spray, some aftershave and a note. Ludwig picked it up, and it read:

_Got your stuff but couldn't find that weird shit spray you usually get so I got you something better. And I'm out for the day, so don't set the house on fire don't let Austria in ( I owe him money) and don't die from the lack of awesome._  
_-G._

Ludwig rolled his eyes and crumpled up the note, throwing it in the trash bin. After a moment of thinking, he picked it back out and kept it in his pocket so he could recycle it.

* * *

He was standing in the washroom, sniffing the body spray. His brother had bought it, so he was naturally suspicious of it. A faint fruity smell indicated nothing out of the ordinary but Ludwig was still wary. Aiming the body spray towards the mirror, he spritzed a little on the glass and waited.

Nothing dissolved.

Nothing changed colour.

Nothing exploded.

So Ludwig shrugged and sprayed some on himself. It smelled rather good and he contemplated whether or not it would be a smart idea to commend Gilbert on his choice. His train of thought was interrupted shortly after the last spray when he heard woosh beside his bathroom window, then a crash. Frowning, he peered out the window to see two pair of bare legs sticking out of the bushes beside his house. There was colourful cursing coming from the plants, and Ludwig was about to ask the person to identify themselves when there was a blinding flash of white light.

He blinked, and the person was gone.

Well then.

* * *

After he he had lunch, the bizarre incident had been pushed to the back of his mind (given his constant wanted and unwanted company he never dwelt on these things) and Ludwig had a meeting to go to.

As he was stepping out of the house, he quickly sprayed himself again before dropping the bottle into his briefcase just in case the sticky summer heat got to him. While he locked the door, he heard another crash outside of his house. Steeling himself, he spun around to see another blinding white flash of light. His jaw dropped as he saw the hood of his (precious, shiny, new) Audi R8 dented in the shape of a ...human?

* * *

At least the traffic was light, Ludwig groused on the inside while continuing to take notes during the meeting. France was sitting across the table, doing a poorer job of concealing his boredom as he gazed off into some corner. The humans had taken over the meeting completely, and while Ludwig considered note-taking something worthy of his full attention, he could slowly feel his mind slipping away.

Lunch break couldn't have come sooner. He stood outside the conference hall as others filed out, shaking hands with men and women of importance with the exception of France who would get too touchy feely at any given opportunity. When everyone had left, he leaned against the glass of one of the lobby windows, the cool eminating and easing his headache. He could still smell faint traces of his body spray, and figured that a little more would be rather refreshing.

He rummaged through his briefcase and pulled out the small bottle. He sprayed some onto his neck and as he capped it, he heard a dull crash off in the distance. In the fraction of a second between him hearing the crash and when his mind decided to spring to action, an Ohonhonhon~ floated out.

Oh. Well it seemed like France had already got to the problem, and because Ludwig still had a headache and was still slightly upset over his car, he let it go.

* * *

As everyone settled into their seats again, Ludwig noted that France had a bruise forming on his right cheek. France had taken a seat directly beside Ludwig, and Ludwig mentally chastised himself for avoiding the problem from earlier on. Even if that bruise was probably from someone who did not not appreciate France's advances.

The meeting continued, and half way through furious note taking, Ludwig realized that everything that was being said was just the things from before the break reworded.

Sometimes, the humans were as ineffecient as the nations were. Just in a different way.

He looked over to France and France looked back, giving half of a charming smile lest someone turned around to look.

"Is that your cologne?" France asked quietly, making a slight sniffing sound. Ludwig immediately thought that maybe he had sprayed too much, but France added on. "It smells rather nice. May I ask what it is...?"

Ludwig paused for a second, doing a quick mental assesment of the pros and cons of conversing with France during a meeting. Then again, they were running off the same budget idea over and over again so he figured it wouldn't make that much of a difference.

"Something Prussia got me this morning. It's called..."

The name escaped Ludwig for a moment, so he lifted up the lid of the briefcase sitting in front of him on the meeting table. He relayed the name back to France, who hummed and nodded.

"Ah I remember that one...I do think it's one of the better commercial scents."

Ludwig frowned slightly, wondering if the complement was backhanded or not. France reached over and pulled the black bottle out of his case.

As he rolled the bottle around in his hand, he raised his eyebrows and nodded again. Ludwig watched as he popped off the cap and sniffed the nozzle, then pulling back to inspect the bottle again.

France finally sprayed a little on to his wrist and had a split second to smell it on his skin before there was a huge puff of purple smoke and something from above crashed down smack in the middle of the conference table.

Everyone jumped up from their seats as the table cracked and France sat there, eyes slightly widened and hand still gripping the bottle. Ludwig, being the strongest (and probably the most capable) in the room sprang into action.

Or atleast tried, because as soon as the smoke cleared up, a figure bounded towards him and jumped. Before Ludwig could register what happened, he was tackled and pinned to the floor by a very angry... England? A very angry England in a white toga, golden sandals and wings.

A pair of hands wrapped around his neck and started rattling him, as the owner's face went a livid red.

"You bloody tosser!" The bushy-browed nation practically screamed into his face. "I was in the middle of a fucking meeting with my officials, too! Wasn't once enough? Must you torture me the entire day?"

Ludwig spluttered, grabbing England by the hips and trying to pry him off but the other stayed strong. The other was still spewing profanities in his face and Ludwig could feel the spittle flying on to his face.

Letting go of England, he tried one last tactic before his breath ran out and pointed to someone who was used to fighting with England on a regular basis.

It seemed to work, and England stopped mid-assault to turn his head in the direction of Ludwig's finger. France was still frozen in the spot, the body spray still in his grip.

"Ah, it's so nice of you to join us, _Anglete_-"

Ludwig could suddenly breath again, and France's words were cut off as England pounced onto the blond.

"You've been doing this on purpose!" England roared, while the humans looked on, utterly bewildered. Ludwig got up and brushed himself off, as England continued to berate France.

"You stupid arse, you did this on purpose, didn't you? You damn well knew what this does-"

"I swear I-"

"If I had my halo, I'd be cutting your head of right now! What the hell were you _thinking_-"

"Ahahaha," France laughed uneasily. "Would _I _take advantage of you like-"

"You would and you did! Just like you did two hours ago, you sodden little-"

"That wasn't me! He sprayed it!" France jabbed a finger towards Ludwig, who had materialized before the two to break them up.

"And I bet I know who put him up to it!" England was holding France in the same position he had pinned down and was close to wringing his neck. "Let's see how you'd like it if I dressed you up in a fucking toga and gave you wings and every time someone used that god forsaken spray, _you'd _be the one crashing through buildings and into cars!"

Ludwig blinked. For lack of anything to say, he bent down to pull England's toga back down to a decent level, since it had ridden up his legs during his tirade.

"Thanks mate." England said, pausing from his beating. Ludwig grabbed him by the nape of his neck, yanking him off France who had been doing a horrible job of defending himself physically. England thrashed around, but being in the constant company of North Italy and Prussia allowed Ludwig to be able to keep his hold on the man. He felt something brush his torso and looked down to see there were miniature wings that were _floating _near Arthur's back.

"I hate to interrupt," He said, loud enough to cut the two off in their verbal barrage. "But what on earth is this about?"

The two paused, and looked at each other.

"I blame you." England spat bitterly.

"This is not my fault." France sniffed. "You raised them."

"America and..." Ludwig furrowed his brow, trying to remember the other North American brother that was more... to the north.

"Australia." England sighed. Oh, well then.

"Prussia too." France added. "Geographical convenience led him to become an ally."

Ludwig raise his eyebrows. "Allies?"

"See this?" England gestured to himself. "Well I..."

He trailed off when his eyes fell on the others that were still in the room.

"Out." He commanded, and one person flinched but there was no other movement. "Please."

"..."

"Now. Please."

They filed out, in a single-file line none the less, and the last one called something out to Ludwig in German. He nodded, shrugged, and said something along the lines of this being a regular occurring event, and they closed the door behind them.

* * *

England had managed to procure a tea set out of nowhere, and filled two cups with tea. France declined to drink anything that England had made out of magic, and Ludwig drank out of sheer politeness.

"More milk?" England asked, holding the tiny pot up and Ludwig shook his head. They were sitting at an end of the destroyed table, and England had calmed back down to the gentleman he prided himself upon. Even though he was still in his strange get up.

"You should wear this more often." France commented, and England's middle finger casually went up as he raised his cup to his mouth. "Charming as usual, monsieur sourcils-"

"Shut up." England replied. "I can't choose when I wear this."

"Why not?" Ludwig asked, figuring it wouldn't hurt to add one more teaspoon of sugar to his own cup of tea.

"Because of that bloody grooming product." England grumbled. "The Netherlands and I launched this line a few years ago-"

"Ah, I remember that." France cheerfully interrupted. "You tried selling that to me first. I do remember seeing one of those commercials. Isn't it where beautiful women fell from the sky? I do believe the slogan was..."

"_Even the angels will fall_." England finished off. "I regret that. America saw it last week with his brothers and Prussia, and asked me if it worked."

"I do remember you hitting him on the head with some papers." France hummed. "I never knew he'd actually go through with it."

"Go through with what?"

"He had come up with some positively _mad _idea about how it would be absolutely hilarious if I fell out of the sky whenever someone sprayed it. He said he wanted to test it out."

"Seems to have worked." France quipped with a smirk. "I wonder if I can get some myself, ohonhonhon~"

"No."

"Ah, but it would make things so _convinient_-"

"No."

Ludwig cleared his throat, bringing the attention back to the topic at hand. "And...how did he manage to do that?"

"Magic."

* * *

In terms of luck, America and Australia definitely had it, due to being on different contents. Prussia, the one who had placed the cursed bottle in Ludwig's hands, was not so lucky.

Ludwig had decided to leave for work (_very_) early that morning, since he did not want to be held accountable for any inappropriate activity that took place within his house. Of course, he would intervene if needed but other than that he really did not have any control over what happened.

Meanwhile, a smirking England pulled a sleeping Prussia into a toga while swatting away France's hands from his bare vital regions. He added the halo, making it slightly lopsided, and France tied golden sandals onto the snoozing man's feet. To give him a glimmer of hope, England planted a malfunctioning wand in Prussia's loose grip.

For a second, he thought that maybe it wasn't fair to just get revenge on Prussia. Then he remembered that the other had been laughing at his magic for centuries, and he already had revenge planned for the other perpetrators.

"Send out the letter yet?" He whispered as he added the finishing touches, a silver necklace he had gotten from a dollar store that had the word _Britannia _strung across.

France nodded, a lazy grin stretching across his face. "It should be reaching very soon."

* * *

Sealand rather liked getting mail, especially from other nations. Especially when they were labeled _personal _packages, because that meant that someone had probably gotten him something awesome. He ripped open the letter first, and squinted at the flowery hand writing scrawled upon pink (and scented?) stationary. It took him a while to decipher it, but he eventually managed.

_Ah, Peter, is it?_

_Your big brother England ha been telling me lately about how you have been having...ah, shall I say, trouble with the ladies lately? This may be a problem if you want to be a big strong nation like the rest of us...We all need to carry a certain amount of charm. Or money, which is what's happened in your brother's case, but we don't want you to be like him, right?_

_Either ways, I have enclosed a little something for you. It's a very popular spray amongst boys, and it's said that even heaven will love it. Try it out for big brother France. You might be surprised ~_

_-Francis Bonnefoy,  
_

Body spray, eh?

* * *

Have this silly thing I wrote some time ago while waiting at the Optometrists for _3 fucking hours dear lord _and this only managed to kill 1 1/2 and I wish I had a longer attention span

Based off the new Axe commercials. I prefer Old Spice myself but yenno. I read that Axe is owned by a company that's British/Dutch and they had introduced it to France first and suddenly a whole new (probably inaccurate) headcannon was born

Reviews are really appreciated and** yay ff is fixed**


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